Kids Grief Matters

I was blessed with the honor of writing a foreword for the book, “Slaying in South St. Louis”, by Vicki Berger-Erwin and Bryan Erwin. One of the foreword’s themes was that Laura and I experienced the murder of our mother as children and the adults were so shocked and grief stricken themselves that their way of protecting us was to not speak of what happened or of our mother. Therefore, it was such a natural fit for our first project to focus on kid’s grief and as a result, we discovered Annie’s Hope.

Annie’s Hope was founded and is led by the most amazing person, Becky Byrne. She has a gift of listening and then relating back in such a heartfelt (and helpful way). When I met with Becky for the first time I approached it like a business meeting but as we talked, she had a way of intermingling discussion my experience with grief for my mother with the business at hand. It’s the first and only time I cried at a business meeting! I left Annie’s Hope that day wondering if I just attended a business meeting or a counseling session. I promised to get “Slaying in South St. Louis” signed by the authors for the Annie’s Hope resource library, but because I live out of town, I sent my dad to deliver the books. When I called him to see if he’d delivered them, the first thing he said was, “That Becky was so easy to talk to. I stayed an hour and man did she make me feel good”! If Becky had that kind of impact on two grown men, 50 years removed from the worst day of our life, imagine what she does for kids who just lost someone close to them!

Annie’s Hope helps kids through the grieving process through a variety of programs. They offer family-centered support groups, pairing kids by age groups in activity-oriented grief support sessions while the parents meet at the same time in another room. When Becky gave me a tour of their facility, one of the things she emphasized is how hard it is for parents who must help their children through grief while going through the grief process themselves. Annie’s Hope also offers school-based grief groups and educates school staff on ways to approach kids who grieve a death. Additionally, they offer support for families who are facing the imminent death of a loved one. The highlight of their calendar year is their summer camp, “Camp Courage”, a camp that sprinkles grief support in with a lot of fun.

We were invited to the opening day of the camp for a tour and an opportunity to view the opening night in which the kids light a candle in front of the entire group and say whatever they wish about the person close to them who died. It is set in an outdoor theater and is extremely moving. I marveled at the bravery of the kids to even go up on stage, let alone speak about one of the most painful experiences of their early life. Some lit a candle without speaking and that was ok. Of those that spoke, there are two stories that I’ve never been able to get out of my mind. One child was riding with his brother in a car when someone drove past and shot the brother to death. Another grieves both parents due to heroin overdoses.

While we were visiting the camp, my wife, Brenda, noticed that some of the kids brought their camp gear in trash bags. So, in addition to more general support for Annie’s Hope, The Love Sisters Project provides duffle bags for anyone who needs one at the camp.

As a supporter of Annie’s Hope, The Love Sisters Project encourages you to visit their website at AnniesHope.org. You can also follow them on Twitter at @AnniesHopeSTL or AnniesHopestl on1 Facebook.

Respectfully,

Dave