In Support of Love Sisters

Hello everyone. My name is Julie Gruenenfelder. I’m Laura and David’s cousin and the daughter of Nancy Zanone’s sister, Joan Gruenenfelder. When David asked me to write a blog regarding my perspective of the Love Sister’s Project, I was a little lost at how to approach the task. It seems I’ve known about the murder of my Aunt Nancy my entire life. But the story has multiple layers to it. While her murder is what I focused on in my younger years so many other events unfolded through life. And it’s tough to write a ‘little’ something when it has actually encompassed my being. But as I narrowed in on what I want to say, thought provoking, intrigue and love highlights my narrative.

THOUGHT PROVOKING: My aunt was murdered when I was just 2 years old. I don’t remember the murder itself but can only imagine how sad and difficult it must have been. The man who murdered my aunt was a juvenile and ultimately his guilty verdict was overturned; the police hadn’t taken him directly to juvenile authorities before he confessed. When I started school, Mom spent her energy on turning something negative into something positive. She attempted to change the juvenile code. Her grassroots organization, A Challenge Today (ACT) focused on how to handle juveniles who are repeat offenders. She was the leader of a group of women lobbyists whose personalities included authority, confidence and grace. Her efforts started when I was in 2nd grade and ended in 5th. She collected signatures, talked on local television shows/news and traveled quite frequently to Jefferson City where she spoke with senators and house representatives. The legislature fell on its final night due to a filibuster before the final vote. My mom taught me how to be a leader. She taught me how to hold my head up high even when things don’t go the way I want. She was my Supermom! It wasn’t until my grandfather died that I truly recognized the impact of my aunt’s death on my mom and the rest of our family. I was 14 years old. I remember walking into the kitchen to hug my mom. She had her face buried in her hands, sobbing. She was saying, “Damnit Nancy. Where are you? I need you.” My heart broke realizing she not only lost her father but was also still grieving the loss of Nancy, her only sibling. Prior to that, I never witnessed the true impact it had on Mom and was just starting to recognize the impact it had on me. By that time, the relationship with my cousins was a distant memory. We hadn’t seen each other in years and felt a little like strangers to each other. I still loved them but was too young to realize how much we really did have it common. So much time was lost. What would our lives been like if we experienced it together? The murder impacted the cousin relationship. Aunt Nancy’s murder had an impact on every single one of us. We are all victims.

INTRIGUE: My mom died in 2012. During the eulogy we talked about my Mom’s involvement with ACT. As it turns out, David had never heard about this effort. Forty-nine years had passed by since Aunt Nancy’s death and it was the first time he heard about it. It intrigued me. My siblings and I had known about all of the details our entire lives and Laura and David grew up completely different. They were more sheltered about what happened in the 60s and 70s. My uncle protected them so they could have a better chance to grow up with fewer scars. My Uncle Don deeply loved my Aunt Nancy until the day he died. She was his first and true love. It dawned on me that the separation of my cousins and our family likely occurred because of the differences of how it impacted us. I saw a determined mother and Laura and David saw no mother. I have tons of good memories of mom but none of my aunt. My cousins have haunting memories of never really knowing their mother. They don’t remember her voice, her hugs, her warmth. They only have pictures and stories. Growing up, I only thought about how sad it was to lose your mother so violently but never really thought about the ripple the absence has. It is all about seeing different perspectives that a child doesn’t have the ability to see. As an adult, David was seeing our perspective for the first time. David’s awakening led to our new perspective as well. We started a new journey together swapping stories on the impact the murder had on our lives. We shared our journey as victims and spent several years getting to know each other again.

LOVE: Funny how that word pops up. It not only represents the maiden names of Joan Gruenenfelder and Nancy Zanone but it is also appropriate to describe how we all grew up and how the Love Sisters Project applies to all of this. It gives us ‘cousins’ the ability to reestablish our love and respect for each other. David and Laura took my mom’s efforts and created the Love Sisters Project to help victims of violent crimes. I am proud to be a board member of this organization. I watch David lead the project with the same passion, commitment and authority I saw in my mom 55 years ago. In the end, the death of my mom woke up a whole new chapter that both of our mothers would be proud of. Cousins reunited, committed to a journey together who love each other unconditionally. Love helps victims. Sometimes it just takes time.

If you can afford to donate to our cause it would be greatly appreciated. We can’t do it alone There are a lot of victims out there who need a little love they can reflect on during those times when they feel angry and alone.

Thank you for your time.

Julie Gruenenfelder

Love Sister’s Project

Board Member